VIRGO Woman by Linda Goodman
The VIRGO Woman She had never quite forgotten that if you drink much from a bottle marked “poison,” it is almost certain to disagree with you, soon or later.
Sometimes she scolded herself so severely as to bring tears into her eyes. Do you visualize the Virgo girl as a gentle, virginal maiden, pure as the driven snow? You may be about to get some illusions shattered. She is no White Rock nymph in a gauzy tunic, kneeling by the pool. Sorry to spoil your image. A Virgo woman can leave her husband for a man she met beside some faraway ocean, bear her lover’s child before the benefit of marriage, and face a hostile world with her head held high. That’s not very maidenly or virginal. There’s a lot to learn about this tender, fragile little symbol of spotless womanhood. For one thing, her spine is made of stainless steel. It’s quite true that she’s basically shy. No argument there. Virgo girls don’t climb on soap boxes to make fiery, aggressive speeches or chop up saloons with hatchets, like Carry Nation. They don’t get arrested for drunken driving, either, and I’ll give you a five dollar bill for every one you find featured in a burlesque show. But a Virgo woman is a woman. She has all the necessary wiles and weapons, including a determination to pursue happiness wherever the path happens to lead her. A few prickly thorns along the way won’t cause her either to faint or cry weakly for help. When you hear of a Virgo woman who has outraged the laws of society, be sure you read between the lines. She is basically pure-minded-true. But so is love. Real love. And Virgo is not interested in any other kind. She’ll climb the tallest mountains and storm the raging seas in galoshes and a pea jacket, once the spirit of Mercury has been exalted, which can considerably dim that wispy, chiffon image. Remember, too, that Virgo’s true ruler, the distant Vulcan, is the god of thunder. A Virgo woman who recognizes her marriage as imperfect and finds a-love without a flaw (or thinks she has, which is the same thing), won’t hesitate to cut former ties. When she uses the knife, she’ll be as cool and precise as a surgeon. Much as she hates to break the family circle, the Virgo hates hypocrisy more. Once she’s accepted a love as true and ideal, the purity of her own concept of the relationship reigns supreme over all the pieces of legal paper in the world. She’s the one woman in the zodiac who can be deadly practical and divinely romantic at the same time. That situation of the love affair beside some faraway ocean may seem casual and immoral on the surface. Actually, it’s a predictable example of a Virginian behaving true to character when caught in a difficult decision. She’ll suffer agonies of embarrassment over the condemnation of society in such an affair, but that won’t alter her course of action any more than it will alter the purity of her motivation. It’s a perfect example of the firm practicality of Virgo’s earth element, blended with the mental, airy, ideal-seeking Mercury. There’s a white heat to Virgo love, once it’s ignited, that can put the passions of other Sun signs to shame by its very intensity and singleness of purpose. Igniting it may take some time, however. I will admit that the fiery, physical aspect of love may be somewhat subdued in the typical Virgo female, but there’s a mysterious, quiet, waiting quality in this woman and “passion of the spirit” is a most satisfactory substitute to men who prefer the delicacy of understatement in romance. She’s a perfectionist, but that doesn’t mean that she herself is perfect. She has her negative traits, and they can be very trying. To begin with, Virgo females have this dogged belief that no one can do things as orderly and as efficiently as they can. What really drives you wild is that usually no one can. They’re also sticklers for promptness. Did you ever keep a Virgo woman waiting for a date? When she’s upset or cranky, she won’t rage and storm and break bottles over your head, but she can be shrewish and fussy when you’ve annoyed her. You might as well expect a frank scolding. An occasional Virgo woman can come pretty close to behaving like a virago, but most of them don’t carry it that far. Take her flowers. Admit you’re wrong and don’t argue. It won’t do you a bit of good, you can’t win with a Virgo. The earth is her element, so she appreciates the creations of nature, and the posies will soften her irritation. As for the apologies, keep them brief and accurate. The Virgonian is nobody’s fool. Her clarity of vision will spot an elaborate lie by the smoothest talker, and the faintest smear of lipstick on the edge of a collar. She may be pure-minded, but she’s certainly not naive. I’m not implying that she’ll go through your laundry, at least not before you’re married. After that, it will be in her house, and she won’t feel so guilty about it. This girl has a mental block when it comes to admitting she’s wrong-like a block of wood right in front of her brain-so you’d be smart to take the blame right away. Most of the time, she’ll be right, frustrating though it may be. So why fight it? When you’ve put her back into her normal mood, she’s such an exquisite delight, you won’t care who won or lost. If you can bear the wound to your male ego, you might profit from taking her financial advice, or letting her handle the budget. She’s concise and practical, and she catches tiny errors even a CPA might overlook. (Unless there are afflictions in her natal aspects, or she has an impulsive ascendant.) Brush up on your manners and your grammar if you’re dating a Virgo female. She won’t take kindly to abuse of the language, swearing or drinking from the finger bowl. Don’t chew celery close to her ear and it’s better if you pass up corn-on-the-cob altogether. That’s enough of a challenge at any time, let alone trying to eat it daintily in front of her. Tell the waiter to cut it off and serve it to you on the plate. You’ll never pass inspection with sloppy clothing, either. Once in love with a Virgo, you might as well resign yourself to shaving twice a day, and the same goes for showers. Splash on after shave lotion, brush off the lint, spruce up your hair, wear a fresh shirt, mind your manners, and polish your shoes before you go a-courting this girl. And here’s a very valuable tip: the next time you’re late, pretend you don’t realize what time it is. Walk in her door angrily. When she asks you what’s wrong, tell her that silly, ridiculous, blasted library (that’s about as profane as you’ll dare to get) keeps closing five minutes before they’re supposed to, according to their rules. It wouldn’t be so bad now and then, but they lock the doors on you every night when you have all those heavy scientific journals to put away. She’ll forget all about the tardiness. Don’t take her to the racetrack and let her see you throw away a week’s pay on Golden Chance in the fifth, on the nose. Save your off-color stories for the men at lunch, and tell her constantly you’re glad she’s not the flighty type, You are, aren’t you? She’s not a clinging vine, either. Virgo goes to no extremes. She can take care of herself, thank you. But she doesn’t have to act like a man to do it.spacer Don’t overpower her with your physical charms or bear hug her on the subway, and don’t rush the goodnight kiss on the first or even the tenth date-wait for better things. In general, underplay the whole scene. Move in slowly, with grace and taste, or you’ll end up in the orchestra pit with all the other banjo thumpers. Speaking of the theater, she’ll probably love it. Parades, too. The pomp and pageantry, the dramatic emotion, give her an outlet for her own tightly controlled emotions. Besides, she’s one great critic. Her highly developed intellect and artistic taste combine to give her a keen perception. If you could make Broadway producers understand this, you’d be showered with free passes to out-of-town openings. A Virgo woman will call the critics’ reviews in advance almost every time. Discrimination is one of her keywords. She loves plays, concerts and books, but she’s severely critical of the content. She’s just as critical of your tie and how you wear your hair, what you do and what you say. To criticize is as natural to her as breathing is to you. Virgo is the eternal perfectionist, and without her, we would all be pretty messy and sloppy around the edges. Don’t criticize her, however. That’s against the rules. The golden rule definitely does not apply here. What she does to you, you’d better not do to her. Her crystal-clear thinking makes her inwardly as aware of her own imperfections as she is of yours, and she judges herself frequently and harshly, which is why she feels she doesn’t need any help from you. Of her it can be truly said that she’s “her own worst critic.” One nice thing about being in love with this woman is that she’ll do all your worrying for you, and possibly even enjoy it. She’ll keep you from goofing without robbing you of your manhood, an art that women born under other Sun signs might well imitate. As for the matter of faithfulness, you may hear of a rare Virgo female who, for her own unfathomable reasons, has decided to toss away virtue with a vengeance, but there’s usually a desire to prove something to herself at the bottom of such a spree, and it won’t last long. Virgo females who take an occasional whirl down the primrose path of promiscuity are clever enough to cover up the lapse, and such behavior is most certainly an exception. Ordinarily, if she really loves you, you’d be safe to trust the typical Virginian woman with the sexiest man you know on a desert island for a month. For two months? Well, Virgos are human, you know. They’re not walking, talking computers. They have hearts warmer than people suspect, and emotions that can thunder with feeling, even if they don’t care to rent a billboard to advertise it. The emotional nature of Virgo is controlled, but not nonexistent. Remember that. It will give you courage. The Virgo girl is annoyingly meticulous about small things, but she can also be the kindest, most generous and affectionate little creature in the world. Consider her perfectionism a virtue, instead of a vice. With all the impulsiveness rampant in the world, what would we do without the sharp eye and mind of Virgo? Even while she’s irritating you with her critical ways, there’s a lovable quality about her that’s downright irresistible. But of course you’ve already discovered that, or you wouldn’t be shaving twice a day and going to the library every night. Her modest manner and soft, clear eyes have done their job well. You’ve probably even found out how much fun she is when people don’t pick on her, and what a clever wit lies inside that pretty head. It’s a lovely and strange thing that when Virgo women laugh it often sounds like the peal of little bells. She has no illusions, so don’t try to sell her any phony ideas. To her, truth is beauty-and beauty is truth. Get used to her emptying the ash trays every three seconds, be kind to her stray kittens, and she’ll perform the pipe and slippers routine with feminine grace. She’ll share herself cautiously, only with one she trusts, and little things mean a lot to her. Despite her modesty and natural shyness, she’s tough enough and strong enough for others to find comforting when dark clouds gather. The quiet courage and deep sense of responsibility of Virgo women often acts as a magic glue to hold large families together. She’ll probably be a good cook, and she’ll never poison you with her soup. Your house will be clean and cozy, and the big bowl on the coffee table will hold apples instead of chocolate candies (bad for the teeth and general health). You’ll probably never see your youngster running around the neighborhood with a runny nose, a jam-stained face or torn sneakers. You won’t find tiny fingers scattering your tobacco or coloring on your private papers, either. She’ll be a firm disciplinarian. Virgo women seldom have more than one or two children, and don’t seem to need motherhood to satisfy their femininity. But once baby has bounced into her life, she’ll never neglect his physical, moral or educational needs. She may not supply his emotional needs as easily, but if she’s sure of your love and knows she’s appreciated, she’ll relax and give her offspring plenty of warm affection. Little ones often find Virgo mothers delightfully funny and gentle. They’ll be firm, and try to instill good habits, but they have a tender touch that tells a child he’s securely loved. Remember the poem that says you shouldn’t buy bread with your last sixpence, but “hyacinths for the soul”? Give this woman both. You may often catch her busy with sewing or mending, and if you have a really typical Virgo wife, your house may be full of the heavenly mixed fragrance of fresh flowers and hot home-made bread baking crisply in the oven. It’s pretty nice to come home to. She’ll dust off all your old dreams and make them shine again, and you’ll have a woman who will never borrow your razor or use your toothbrush for her mascara. She’ll nurse you like an angel when you’re ill, and she won’t embarrass you by flirting with your best friend. She’ll dress neatly and be able to talk with you about something besides diapers and beauty parlor gossip. You’ll get every ounce of loyalty and devotion you deserve. She won’t throw emotional scenes of jealousy or throw your money away foolishly. She’ll keep your secrets in her heart, help you organize your work, and probably won’t get wrinkled in middle age. Now really, isn’t all that worth minding your manners and keeping your fingernails clean? Her eyes are cool pools of pure love, and when she smiles, she can light up a whole room with her radiance. Better keep her. You may never get so lucky again.